A Single Unmatched Sock

A Single Unmatched Sock

It happens to many of us from time to time. Something goes missing, is “misplaced,” and – no matter how hard we look, and in how many places, tracing and retracing our steps, looking under furniture, emptying drawers, thinking and rethinking, “Now where would I have put that to keep it safe?” – it remains unfound, disappeared, inexplicably vanished, just gone.

This happened to me recently. My wife and I have a marriage-long agreement. She hates grocery stores and I hate laundry, so we agreed when we got married, not really a part of our vows, but just as binding, that I would do time in the Shop Rite, Whole Foods or wherever, and she would be enslaved to the washer and drier. It hardly seems fair now that weekly groceries are delivered and I only go to the dreaded retail establishments biweekly, and the weekly laundry is ubiquitous and interminable, but a deal is a deal and we seem to be sticking to it.

Billie even folds my laundry. It’s above and beyond and I’ve said as much, but there is no way her hyper-organized being could tolerate my stuffing dresser drawers with unfolded laundry, and the state of my perpetual wrinkled-ness that would ensue. So Saturday afternoons I am confronted with a stack of tee shirts, briefs and socks on top of my chest of drawers.

One Saturday there sat, next to the stack, a single unmatched gray and brown striped Darn Tough sock.

“What happened to the mate for this?”

“I don’t know. I looked everywhere. It’s not in the dryer, or the washer or the laundry hamper or the basket. It disappeared. The dryer probably ate it.”

The people from whom we bought our house either got a bargain or were particularly enamored with Samsung appliances. Billie hates them all. She mostly dislikes the, at least, counter-intuitive and, at most, unergonomic design. She finds the little electronic tunes they play, at the beginning or end of cycles or to gently remind you that you’ve left the fridge door ajar, especially annoying. She is therefore quite willing to blame the appliances for any mishaps around them.

The dryer has eaten things before. I blamed the dryer for the perpetual holes that developed in the left elbow of my favorite long sleaved polo shirts. That seemed to go away when I repaired the vinyl covering on the left arm of my office chair, but I believe that the dryer has just gone underground to throw us off the scent.

I place the unmatched sock on the top of my dresser.

I took everything out of the socks and underwear drawer looking for a static cling induced obfuscation. I looked under beds, dressers, hampers, and went through the trash, all the places Billie had looked before me. No joy. Especially no sock.

I left the sock on top of the dresser for not one, but two laundry cycles, realizing that throwing it out would guarantee the sock would reappear silently chanting “Nanny nanny boo boo. I put one over on you.”

“Well, maybe Dobby is free,” I said and we both laughed. Dobby house elf with sock that freed him

For anyone, who hasn’t read J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter books or watched the movies, Dobby is the house elf that Harry, intrepid wizard-in-training, frees from slavery to the evil wizard Malfoy, by tricking Malfoy into giving Dobby a sock. Evidently a master giving a house elf an article of clothing is emancipating. Dobby is also a nickname for Robert, and a generic term for a mischievous house spirit that helps with household chores in return for offerings.  In Harry Potter Dobby dies on Freshwater Beach in Wales where now in real life, the National Trust asks people to STOP leaving socks and treats and other environmental hazards and dangers to wildlife. “Dobby is free now and has moved on.”

Gremlins were the prankish spirits that World War II Royal Air Force pilots blamed for the unexplained mechanical glitches caused by Murphy’s Law, (“Whatever can go wrong will go wrong”). Poltergeists are typically noisy ghosts, making loud noises or causing breakables to supernaturally fall off shelves, but are sometimes blamed for things mysteriously moving from room to room. Perhaps a gremlin or a poltergeist had my sock.

This Saturday morning I arose after Billie. This is normal. She is a morning person and I am definitely not. I groggily pulled a tee shirt and briefs from the drawer, headed for the shower. There on the hardwood, three feet from the dresser was a single unmatched sock.

Oh,” thinks I, “musta knocked it off the dresser.”  I picked up the recalcitrant foot covering and turned to replace it on the dresser, where to my shock I saw the other sock still in place.

“BILLIE!? Did you put this here?” My wife assured me that she did not.

We laughed about Dobby again, decided that, despite my looking through that drawer several times, the sock must have been stuck to my tee shirt or underpants. After my shower, we ate breakfast, talked about Dobby, and how if we got another dog we might name him or her Dobby, and the names that didn’t make the cut when we each named our children, and swirling Celtic designs we both liked. We talk a lot about random things, and laugh. Silly, but it’s better than bickering, which we also do, but the nattering is more enjoyable.

Then I went upstairs to write this post.

“Is this the same sock?”

I looked up and Billie was holding a single unmatched gray Darn Tough sock.

“I don’t think so.” I took off my shoes. “Nope these have brown stripes and that has yellow stripes.”

“Well, I can only find the one. I’ve looked through all the laundry and the other one is NOT there.”

“DOBBY!”

“He is messin’ with you for sure.”

Don’t Panic!

Don’t Panic!

The man’s suit was a fine cloth, but the cut was a little dated.  His beard was white, close-cut on the sides, but extended at his chin to square his jaw. His shock of white hair was thinning on top. He sat on the sun drenched park bench, newspaper folded beside him and a blackthorn walking stick with a filigreed silver handle leaned against the bench arm.

Shine, sir? The boy smiled.

“Well, let me see. Do my shoes look like they need a shine?”

“Better than most, sir, but might do with a freshening.”

“Well perhaps, then. How much for such a service?”

The boy stated the price firmly.

“Seems fair.” The man smiled back.

The boy unshouldered the shine box strap. He retrieved his saddle soap, brushes and cloths, a bottle and copper cup, bootblack, and an orange and black tin of Shinola. He closed the box,  and said “left foot first, sir.”

The man placed his foot on the wooden footprint on the box.

The boy turned up the cuff on the man’s pantlegs. He poured some water in the cup, dipped his brush in it, and worked up a lather with the saddle soap. He cleaned the film of soot from one foot then the other, lightly tapping the man’s foot to signal to change feet on the box.

“You seem mighty young to be kneeling in the dirt at people’s feet, son.”

“Not so young as y’might think sir. I’m ‘most ten.”

“Well, you are almost grown then, but still young to be working so hard.”

“I like it, sir. I get to meet people an’ we all help since Da lost his job. Ma takes in laundry an’ Sis helps with the mending. We all must help out since the Panic.”

“What did your father do?”

“He worked the trainyard, movin’ boxes and people’s trunks, but since the Panic people don’t travel or ship so much. Nowadays he sometimes gets a day’s hire. Or he goes downtown to sell pencils and Ma’s jams.”

“And you help out. Did you make that box yourself?”

“I had some help from Da. He got the box from the trainyard and showed me how t’cut out the foot shape. He gave me his ol’ belt for the hinges an’ strap I did all the paintin’ myself though.”

“Where did you get the Shinola and bootblack?”

“Da fronted me and I paid him back. Now I buy it from what I make.”

“And you contribute back what you earn.”

“Well most. If there’s enough after the rent, and food,  I save some for treats and presents.”

“Well it looks like you’re a regular businessman!”

“No, Sir! Da says businessmen caused the Panic.”

“I see. Well, I do not wish to contradict your father, but it is my considered opinion that not all businessmen caused the Panic, just the greedy and gamblers.”

“Oh?” Said the boy as he dried the right shoe, tapped the sole, and unscrewed the bottle of bootblack.

“How would you define a businessman?”

“Gosh, I dunno, sir. Maybe a man dressed like you. Say you aren’t a businessman are you. I didn’t mean nothin’ . . .”

“No – no, don’t worry, son. A businessman is just someone who earns his living by selling something. He might sell something he made, like the harness-maker. He might run a shop, like the greengrocer, selling the farmer’s produce. Or he might sell a service like you do,  doing something for someone they could do for themselves. Some people shine their own shoes, correct?

“Sure, Da shines his Sunday shoes..”

“Why does someone hire you, instead of shining their own shoes?”

“Well maybe they’re downtown, all dressed up, and got coal dust on ‘em, or maybe I do a better job than they do.”

“Yes,” said the man. “Let’s say you charged double for a shine, what would happen?”

“People mightn’t get a shine, or not as many would.”

“But what if the price of Shinola or bootblack doubled?”

“Then I’d have to go up too.”

“Right. What if all the shoeshine boys decided to double prices even if your costs were the same? Would people pay it?”

“Some might, I suppose; most’d shine their own shoes”

“But what if the grocer did that?”

“Ma’d say they was thievin’!”

“That’s what I mean by greedy businessmen. Some raise their prices just because their customers don’t have a choice. People stop buying. Then everybody gets worried. Things slow down and people lose their jobs. People buy even less and worry more. That’s why they call it a Panic.”

The boy used the polish brush to put the black Shinola on each shoe and while it was drying he asked the man, “What is it you do, sir?”

“Well, right now, I’m taking a holiday, but I used to be a banker.”

“Ma says ‘a banker took grampa’s farm in the last Panic, ‘fore I was born’”

“Remember I said a businessman sells something?”

The boy nodded, brushing up a luster on the man’s left shoe.

“A banker sells money. Like your Da fronted you the money for bootblack, a banker loans money for supplies for a business or land to farm. He makes a little money on the loan as it’s paid back.”

The boy tapped the sole and began brush work on the right shoe.” So if people don’t pay the banker loses?”

“Yes and he sells whatever property guaranteed the loan to offset his loss.”

The boy sprinkled a few drops of water onto a soft cloth, snapped it to remove the excess and began to buff. Soon a mirror shine appeared on the black toe cap. He buffed around the sides and the heel.  He maintained a steady rhythm,  popping the cloth periodically for punctuation as he spoke.

“Why would anyone borrow (pop) if they knew they could lose their property?”

“Because they don’t think they’ll lose. Remember you borrowed some money from your father for Shinola?”

“Yeah, but I knew I could pay him back from the first few shoeshines.”

“And a farmer borrows because he knows he’ll have crops to sell, and the greengrocer borrows because the produce will sell. And it all works . . . until it doesn’t.”

“I’m never gonna borrow.”

“Well, that might be one answer. The more prudent one might be to not get greedy. A debt is a gamble, you see. You are betting that you’ll sell enough later to pay. But if you place too big a bet you might lose big.”

“Is that what caused the Panic?

“Well, son, bankers and governments get greedy too, and when they gamble it’s a very big bet indeed.”

The boy tapped the sole for the man to switch feet. He dampened and snapped the cloth, and buffed the right shoe. The mirror-black toe soon matched the left. He buffed the rest,  turned down both cuffs, and tapped the sole.

The man stood. “Well don’t those look bright now,” smiled the man, reaching into his pocket.

“That’s too m-mu-ch, sir,” stammered the boy.

“The rest is for you, son. It’s for the way you’re pitching in and staying positive, which is the antidote to the Panic. That’s found money now, and you know what they say about found money – it’s not for spending, but for saving for a rainy day. May not look much like rain today, but more rain is coming.”

The boy and the man walked away in different directions, to different lives. Each had a new shine, enjoying the sunny day.

I’m Sorry

I’m Sorry

“I’m sorry. So Sorry.

Please accept my apology.

I know I was wrong,

But I was too blind to see.”

(1960 #1 hit by fifteen-year-old Brenda Lee, written by Dub Albrittin and Ronnie Self.)

“I am a terrible person!”

The clocks changed last night and I awoke at 3:00 a.m. (old time), thinking about all the horrible things I have done in my life. At ten, I stole my sister’s boyfriend’s ring given to “go steady.” It caused great anxiety and I ultimately “found” it under a bed. I stole my Rolodex when I changed jobs at twenty-seven. I never called any of the numbers and finally threw it out forty years later. I stole my sister’s opening line at my mother’s funeral, “If my mother were here, she’d apologize for the rain.” I’ve apologized to my sister, and apparently she has forgiven me, but I still feel rotten.

All these thefts were for self-aggrandizement, to make myself feel special, more powerful, or to attract attention. I was my parents’ youngest child and the only boy, and my sisters have told me how the attention I got made them feel decidedly un-special. I have spent my life working to overcome a need for attention and an adverse reaction to authority figures, i.e., people who stop me from getting my way.

I sometimes talk too much and don’t listen enough. I think I like writing because I’m the only one in the conversation.

I am working on this and I have been for much of my life. When I mess up, and I realize it, I apologize. Some say that like my mother, I apologize too much, though I don’t often say I’m sorry for the weather.

Real leaders admit their mistakes

These days I’m not leading anything or anyone, but a lifetime of observing business leaders, doesn’t just turn off. So I observe what CEOs  and politicians say on the news:

“The rocket had a sudden unscheduled disassembly.”

“Did I say that? I never said that.”

I know there is a school of leadership that says, “Deny, deny, deny, backtrack, reclarify,  but never apologize.” I just don’t think it is very effective leadership. How will you improve if you deny your transgressions?

Admitting when you are wrong makes you human; it builds trust.

A client and I went nose to nose yelling at each other in a meeting. The next morning I apologized and offered my resignation from the project. Vince said, “Alan, you don’t get to take all the blame for our fight. I was there too, and I’m not resigning.” We each apologized publicly at the next meeting and worked together for another couple of years.

I worked for two clients at the same company who both had volcanic tempers. One regularly pulled people back together and apologized. He also employed a coach, a cognitive psychologist who helped him replace his temper triggers with a “pause and a breath”. He got a lot better in the year that I knew him and I heard he was promoted to senior management about three years later.

The other leader “explained to people why he lost his temper,” so they could correct their behavior. I’ve written about Will before. He was really smart, highly verbal, and got good results. Everyone said he’d be CEO. Instead, three years after we worked together, he was fired “for cause,” which phrase cost him a substantial amount of money from his contract “golden handshake.”

Learning to apologize is a career building skill for leaders. Doing it well takes some practice.

Bad Apologies:

  • Take too long coming: As close to the event as possible is best. And apologies lose their value in direct proportion to the number of people telling you to apologize or punishing you for your behavior. Will Smith taking six months to apologize for slapping Chris Rock on the stage at the 2022 Oscars substantially reduced apology effectiveness.
  • Blame the victim: “I’m sorry you reacted negatively to what I said.”
  • Justify your behavior: “I’m sorry, but. . . what you said. . . you don’t understand. . . What did you expect. . .”
  • Apologize in private for public sins. Humiliating someone in front of the whole office and then saying “Yeah. Sorry ‘bout that,” when standing at the rest room sink might not be well received.
  • Go overboard: Saying “I’m a terrible person” is a bit too much for a ten-year-old’s transgressions, even if they’re part of a worrying pattern.

Good apologies:

  • Mean it: The reflexive “Sorry” as the person knocks you over to board the bus ahead of you isn’t believed. You have to feel and show remorse and concern.
  • Admit what you did or said that was wrong: “I know I said we were out of inventory, but it turns out we are storing that in the clean room and I overlooked the email that explained that.”
  • Actually say “I’m sorry” or I apologize: Not “my bad” or “Whoopsy”
  • Take action to correct the problem: “I’m sorry. Let me reimburse you.” Or “I’m sorry, let’s get you to the hospital,” will be better received than “Oops, my fault.”
  • Ensure it won’t happen again: Sometimes saying “I’ll work on that,” is enough. Sometimes you have to back up your promise with the system or process to prevent recurrence. Multiple apologies for the same repeated offense are rarely believed.

Maybe I’m not a terrible person, just an imperfect human. If I ever talked over you in a meeting, or insensitively failed to listen to you or respect your opinion, “I’m sorry, so sorry. Please accept my apology,” (with apologies to Brenda Lee, Dub Albritten and Ronnie Self for expropriating the words of their song).

Oh, and leaders, while you’re learning to apologize, learn to give credit where credit is due. “We” is always better than “I,” except when you apologize.

Oops and OS#!T: Consulting Failure Modes

Oops and OS#!T: Consulting Failure Modes

I survived a life career in consulting without being murdered by clients or colleagues. That isn’t to say I made no mistakes, nor suffered no injuries, just that I learned quickly enough to recover, if not on that project then on the next.

These days, in comfortable retirement, I’m looking back with wonder that clients, bosses, or fellow consultants didn’t call “Vinny from Providence to take me for a ride.” In gratitude, I thought I’d share some things I observed that make individual consultants fail.

Most consultants have done one or more of these, and some continually get away with more than one for no reason other than their confidence and charm to skate over thin ice. I was never that good on ice skates; I just learned to avoid these mistakes.

The “smart guy” aura

Consultants are often naturally insecure, but want to appear confident. They think dressing like the CEO, pricey suits, fancy cufflinks and watches, helps them. Some show up in a polo, ball cap and chinos, but the watch is still there. It’s a form of self-promotion that is read as arrogance.

Consultants understand that arrogance is off-putting, but there are little things they can’t seem to stop, like:

  • Mentioning their degrees and alma maters in introduction.
  • Name dropping clients they worked for.
  • Quoting the latest management best-seller.
  • Sharing everything learned about the client company and industry from the pre-read.

Presenting yourself as a smart guy just puts up a barrier to empathy, which is what will distinguish you.

“The worst I’ve ever seen”

Selling by fear was common when I worked in reengineering. Those who did this believed that it raised client urgency to hire consultants. I observed that was true for underconfident clients. Other clients were angered.

“The worst I’ve ever seen” produced a “you don’t understand” response, or worse a “don’t let the doorknob hit you on the way out” retort. Even when we were hired, the negative sales approach made it harder to get clients to move as rapidly as we wanted. People lower in the organization tended to hide data that made them look bad, or work extra hard to justify the “way we’ve always done it.”

Crowing about early findings

This is such a rookie mistake. Early in the analysis, a young stream lead or project manager finds an anomaly, too much inventory, two initiatives with the same objective, an unhappy customer complaint that hasn’t been resolved, or one department with a 1/5 span of control when others have one manager to ten staff members.

Sure you are excited. You are already earning your fees. So you run to tell the buying client and anyone who’ll listen.

Then you find out. We stock extra inventory from that supplier because they are shutting the factory for maintenance, the two initiatives do entirely different things and are coordinating on the shared objective, the CSR solves the problem she’s been waiting for her manager to return from holiday to approve, and the low span of control department staff are all new and being intensively trained by the manager.

What you wanted to do was impress the client and you undermined your credibility because you didn’t ask enough questions.

Just look at the numbers

One of my earliest projects was to help decide whether a can manufacturer should rent enough warehouse spare space to manage a biannual peak in capacity or to buy an extra warehouse and rent out the extra capacity at non-peak timeframes. We were given spreadsheets of manufacturing output and warehouse costs and the real estate transaction costs for an empty local warehouse. We were expected to do multivariate correlation analysis.

I suggested that we interview some manufacturing staff. There was a lot of staring at their shoes and one said, “you should interview customers, especially at the soft drink plant.” The soft drink plant manager stared at his shoes a lot, too.

We did some more analysis and uncovered a deal between the plant managers at the can manufacturer and the soft drink plant. The two firms were on fiscal years three months apart. Cans were shipped and returned to maximize each manager’s bonus. There was no need for more warehouse space.

I have worked on downsizing projects that looked at what people were paid in total but ignored overtime that was cause by understaffing in some departments. I have looked at excess inventory numbers, as described above, where a colleague wanted to fire the inventory manager.

Numerical analysis can identify a potential problem, but you have to verify the root cause. Sometimes that means you have to talk to real people.

It’s simple

I admit this is a pet peeve. Murphy is right: “Nothing is as easy as it looks.”

Consultants are hired to help companies change. The client may want to increase revenue, or increase profit, by reducing cost. There may be inefficient processes, antiquated equipment or systems. There may be some “people issues” in the way, wrong people, too many or not enough people, a lack of integration between departments or divisions. Or many of these things at the same time. If it was simple the client would figure it out on their own and never hire a consultant.

Why then do I see consultants advocate a “ten percent across the board headcount reduction” that treats growing understaffed businesses the same way as declining overstaffed ones? Why do they offer staff a buy-out to leave, “eight months salary,” so that the most competent, i.e., anyone who knows they can get another job, leaves? Why do they design an organization by drawing redlines through names on a spreadsheet with people’s names, grades and salaries without ever talking to people or looking at personnel records? Why do they start new systems or processes without running the old in parallel? Or just copy a strategy, metrics, or other solution from another client without analyzing potential differences and conflicts?

It’s because they think it’s simple. Easy peasy. It’s not. And it’s just another disrespectful, arrogant failure mode born of the belief that we’re the “smartest guys in the room’, which is what the Enron guys used to say, and that worked out so well.

What is simple are the words that describe the antidote to all these failure modes: gratitude, humility, empathy, the foundation of being helpful when asked.

That’s simple to describe, but it does take some self-awareness, discipline and humility to apply.

 

 

There are more stories of success and failure from my life in consulting in Traveling the Consulting Road: Career Wisdom for New Consultants, Candidates and Their Mentors. Click here for details.